I became very familiar with the young man well before I ever met him. Terri Jo68 on September 13, 2018: Awesome! Attorney David Reischer, founder of LegalAdvice.com once had a client who was not into wearing business clothing. Only in America! In August last year an American advertising executive is sued her boss for £3.9million … I have a colleague who was selected for jury service. Randolph Rice, founder of Baltimore’s Rice Law Firm, always appreciated slapstick comedy but never thought it would turn up in a case he was trying. Often, our court is so busy, it is just him and me in the courtroom for staff. He knows when he’s beat!”, “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”, “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”, “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange. She even looked in her own purse to see if her client had used her as a “mule.” No dice… until Margolin got home and took down her hair. In the “Only in Rhode Island,” category, Caprio tells Reader’s Digest that everyone knows everyone in the tiny New England state, and sometimes it gets super awkward. Here’s Sevilla’s third collection of funnies (Disorderly Conduct, 1989; Disorder in the Court, 1993) from U.S. courts, supplied by contributors, named and anonymous, from around the U.S. The kid could drive. I try suggesting she come back with a translator, but of course, she doesn’t seem to understand that, either. These hilarious real life exchanges recorded by court reporters are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. James Gray Robinson, a third generation trial attorney and self-proclaimed “cattle enthusiast,” was once hired by an insurance company to defend a farmer who was being sued for rear-ending a vehicle…with a bull, thus putting a whole new meaning to the notion of rear-ending. The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. It turned out that on Thursday afternoon, before dismissing the court for the day, the judge had reminded the jury that Friday would be their big day, and that until then it would be PARTICULARLY important not to discuss the case with anyone — not colleagues, not friends, not even other jurors. On Friday, our colleague arrives at work a lot earlier than anticipated. All he asked was whether or not the donor had been smoking weed lately, not even thinking to ask about any other drugs. In the past, a man named Peter Wellis divorced his wife and did not want to pay compensation. We recommend our users to update the browser. And this signature is definitely not your own blood. His Explanation to the Judge was Golden. I s*** you not, the kid rolls his eyes, reaches into his pants, yanks pretty hard a couple of times, and brings out a male-appendage-shaped apparatus that has a small bladder attached with a locking mechanism keeping the fluid from leaking out. It amounted to quite a big scam. Colleague: “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”. Law student, former professors story: Defendant busted for possession of narcotics, they were in the pocket of his leather jacket. Jokes about Judges. Juror, dismissed. See more bank jokes, bungled robberies and funny money stories: $ Home $ Bungled burglaries $ Stupid criminals $ Funny bank robberies $ Stupid lawyer jokes $ Funny crime stories $ Police humour $ Funny lawyer jokes $ Great swindles $ Funny money $ Credit crunch jokes $ Ways of making money $ Funny identity theft $ Funny court transcripts “Is there something you want to say?” Judge Caprio asked the man. Source: Reddit (Credit: DCaplinger, Original Story). “My client had stuck a joint in my up-do,” she realized. Long Tour of Duty. Actually, these might just be the funniest lawyer jokes ever. My colleague never got to see the new trial as he was no longer eligible for jury service. ... Court's Disorder Chinese Detective Chinese Wisdom Culture and meaning Definition of Politics funny court reports, funny court stories, funny trials, hilarious cases, hilarious court reports, hilarious court stories, hilarious trials; Follow. Attorney: Are you sexually active? For him to drive so well he could evade multiple-car pursuits at high speed, on winding, poorly-maintained dirt roads, surely he’d be no match for an oval circuit. From hilariously misinformed patients to doctors with a wickedly dry sense of humor, we at Bored Panda had compiled a list of short stories when doctor/patient interactions were just too funny. But there’s no such thing; it’s about something completely unrelated. The judge is sitting in front of the window with his back to it, and I can see clearly everything going on behind him. follow on instagram @comedianshawnharrris #Tagsforlikes #instadaily #comedygrind He reckons the case will be interesting, as it relates to quite a high-profile incident that was in all the local papers. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest. No translator, nothing. He knows when he’s beat!”. Yup, there she is again, with that exact same letter. We’re sure that isn’t the strangest thing to happen in a court of law. But when he was on his way out, he saw someone choking and felt obliged to administer the Heimlich maneuver. My patience has finally worn out, so I just say, “There is nothing I can do with that letter. Something isn’t right. .. For example, here’s how Justice Goldberg (a federal appeals court judge in Texas) began his 1986 opinion in the case of United States v. Batson: Some farmers from Gaines had a plan. The juror who’d breached protocol had charges brought against him. At this point, I’m lost. He pulls out what appears to be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the cup. Whether you’re in the jury, on the witness stand, or on trial yourself, it’s certainly a tense and nail-biting environment. !Please Subscribe for more funny videos! In 2009, a no-nonsense judge jailed a man … He’s presenting evidence that follows the strange rules of the FOTL. For clarification, he did not get put in jail for drug charges. He decides we should have a break and when the lawyers have cleared, he asks what happened. One day, a little old lady shuffles into our office, and when I ask what I can help her with, she pushes forward an envelope and says, “Letter.” She has an obvious accent, but that’s nothing new, and usually, I can work around the fact that people might not speak Dutch very well. However, as far as the potential for awkward situations goes, going to the doc's can be comedy gold. We're … My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. He got put in jail for a probation violation on one of his high-speed pursuits. Motion denied.”. The court seems to scedule all dates to be in the middle of the week, so to appear i have to spend money for the trains as well as miss at least 3 days of classes. So I took the spot the dumpster should have taken.”. Sheryl A. Sanford, a partner at Black Marjieh & Sanford LLP, has done quite a bit of criminal defense, which has led to some rather funny scenarios. Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. The delicious irony is that he wasn’t careful who he got the urine sample from. Just this once. He isn’t a bad looking kid, and he didn’t have a bad upbringing, so I say something he isn’t expecting. He was not well liked … On his first day of the trial, he is in court most of the day, coming into work in the late afternoon for a few hours. Once he has filled the cup to the indicated line: Me: “You can finish up, and then wash your hands and meet me in the courtroom.”. As I … Not even business casual. My very first job after graduating is at an office within a courthouse where people can get their official documents pertaining to their lawsuit or verdict. Now, we’re talking about a kid, about seventeen or eighteen, and I know his drug of choice is weed. “Well, I know your boss, and he’s a real jerk,” the woman said sweetly. a verdict wherein the judge says that their insurance does have to pay them, which they can then use to take steps to receive this payment. I really enjoyed these cute stories. I can no longer help you. 16, 2016. “I was working in criminal law and had a case where a man had set up cameras to watch women go to the bathroom,” he tells Reader’s Digest, “and oh, by the way, what he really liked was to watch them making… Number 2.” The D.A. Lauren is also an author of crime fiction; her first full-length manuscript, The Trust Game, was short-listed for the 2017 CLUE Award for emerging talent in the genre of suspense fiction. The problem was she could. !Keep up with Just Laugh!! That shouldn’t be a problem, Funk thought, but still had to ask if the long-ago job would in any way impact her ability to be impartial with Funk representing the firm. Nope. The man claimed he’d meant to park for just a moment to go into a restaurant to bring his mother a glass of water (she was dehydrated, he explained). Black, has had some pretty out-there exchanges with her criminal defense clients as well. Lauren Cahn is a New York-based writer whose work has appeared regularly on Reader's Digest, The Huffington Post, and a variety of other publications since 2008. George sued the surgeon and was awarded “the difference in value between a 100 percent good hand… and a hairy hand.”. “Actually, yes,” the man replied. In response, Judge Aquilina offered a veritable Solomon-esque solution: “Bedazzle that thing to match your outfits. I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. I decide to make another type of document, thinking maybe it was the wrong type. I also create about 90% of the forms we use. On this particular occasion, the person on trial is a “Freeman-On-The-Land,” a person who claims that no English law save “common law” is valid. The Supreme Court, like any other court in the land, hears more than one case per day. Even asking if I can read it doesn’t get me any other response than her pointing at the letter. Is funny like freid rice. Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. COURT STENOGRAPHERS. It’s not valid.”. Nevertheless, the guy insisted on making the claim, and the day of the trial, he came to court dressed in dirty work clothes and testified he worked as a landscaper and barely made ends meet mowing lawns for a living. “I always ask the jury pool if they know of my law firm,” explains Adam Funk, a partner at the Potts Law Firm. Lawyer: “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”. This took me one minute to read, and I laughed out loud 3 times. Southern Law Joke. — Voir dire, the process of jury selection, isn’t always “funny,” but here’s an exception. Enjoy the BEST stories, advice & jokes! Another man stood before Judge Caprio defending himself for having parked in a handicapped spot, despite not having a sticker or a visible handicap. Donna Kristine (author) from Atlanta, GA on March 08, 2017: Hi Olivia, glad you enjoyed the laughs. And this signature is definitely, “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. U.S. v. Causby. “After an extreme close-up review of the record and excellent authorities, the court enters the following order.” So begins the opinion of Federal District Judge Paine in Noble v. Bradford Marine, a clear shout-out to the hilarious film, Wayne’s World. When I do, the judge scratches his left inside wrist and then his right inside wrist, our code for “get ready to arrest.” The judge calls the kid up, and I have him stand almost behind the court reporter’s bench, so I can cut him off if he tries bolting on foot. Why? I still maintain that he would have made one h*** of a racecar driver. Number 2: It is incredibly hard to get her on the phone, which for me is the best way to contact her as i … Nothing but the truth. She does not move and just repeats, “Letter,” every once in a while. Funny Judges Jokes. Spoiler alert: it turned out the parking ticket was issued in error, so everyone went home happy (except the police officer who wrote the ticket). Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. I will tell the jail staff that charges are pending, but he is to be held on PC of probation violation. We've all sung this song hundreds of times during our lives, but did you know that it is not in the public domain?… Thanks for sharing! Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles FECUND LIAR. She covers life and style, popular culture, law, religion, health, fitness, yoga, entertaining and entertainment. One day, we have one of our regular customers in. Not only have I frequently entered new warrants for his arrest in the state system, but I also have the frequent occasion to be the dispatcher answering radio calls from pursuits he’s lead, and frequently evaded, our officers on. I have the joy and honor of serving as the personal bailiff to one of the greatest judges I’ve ever had the chance to meet. If you don’t laugh at these lawyer jokes, you might be held in contempt! On the horrible dirt roads we have in this county, you still drive ’em like you’re Dale Earnhardt. But it soon becomes very clear she only knows this one word: “Letter.”. What is even weirder are the results. Seriously, kid, you should think about making an honest career as a racecar driver.”. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. However, there are incidents inside the courtroom that are unexpectedly funny. I have given you everything we can. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. “After an extreme close-up review of the record and excellent authorities, the court … Another man accused of speeding seemed really, well, anxious, as he stood before Judge Caprio. No wonder the Third World countries think we are nuts :-) More funny jokes are listed on the left hand side or listed in the Jokes page. On his first day of the trial, he is in court most of the day, coming into work in the late afternoon for a few hours. Hopefully, the story had a happy “ending.”. Mostly, they need a version of the official verdict that they can take with them — the original always stays in the archives — e.g. Do tell, Counselor. : I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report … He kind of laughed me off, but I was 100% deadly serious. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. Speaking of funny judges, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina had us in tears when she told us about an exotic dancer who, having pleaded guilty on a drug charge, was sentenced to wearing an ankle monitor. The surgeon grafted skin from George’s chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy hand as well. Word got back to the judge, who, on Friday morning, went ballistic. Judge: “Well, according to your test kit, you’re running a very high fever, and you tested positive for MDMA and methamphetamines.”. Just a few days after sentencing, however, the woman was back in the courtroom, seeking an exception because the ankle monitor was kind of “ruining her vibe” at the strip club. Again, she seems happy and leaves. I get a second opinion from several coworkers — even though they work at totally different services and don’t know as much about our documents — just to see if they can understand. See more ideas about humor, lawyer jokes, lawyer humor. This means that it does happen, however rarely, that the justices are forced to preside over bullshit. When all was said and done (and won), the client asked to be put in touch with the expert. I can see the letter she’s given me is from an insurance company, but she is unable to answer any of my questions so I don’t know how I can help her. I try to say as clearly as I can that I have given her every document she could possibly get from us, and I can do nothing else. He sued her on grounds of… The thing was, the guy was a CEO of a big company and clearly could afford it. The judge laughs so hard he extends the break for an extra fifteen minutes so he can calm down, and he teases me about it for the rest of the week. The only other thing I can do is just give her a copy — which has no “value” or use at all, short of reading what’s on it — and besides, she would have already gotten a copy by letter when the verdict came out, so I cannot imagine it’ll help. More legal hilarity comes from Frank Caprio, Providence’s Chief Municipal Judge in Rhode Island and now the star of Caught in Providence, who, “judging” by the stories he recently shared with Reader’s Digest, has clearly has heard everything. She had to, hm? While it may be true that there were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional adult films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there’s performing, and then there’s performing, and this woman was performing just fine, apparently. Olivia on March 07, 2017: I couldn't stop reading this was so funny But the payments for cotton began to smell rotten. Sadly, the kid never took me up on my offer and just sank further and further into the quagmire of the justice system, ultimately spending time in a state pen for his actions. Judges have latitude when it comes to how they write their opinions and some run with it. “I was defending a woman on criminal charges, trying hard to convince the judge to sympathize with her, when the woman went to pour herself a glass of water from the pitcher on the defense table,” Rice tells us. It did not go well. Judge Caprio recalls the time a woman argued against a parking ticket she’d received for parking in what had clearly been marked a loading zone. Well, he doesn’t test positive for weed. Read the funniest jokes about Judges ... A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. After I get back into the courtroom, I seal the test kit in a bag — normally, I throw them away — write down some information in his case file, and hand it to the judge. On the way to the jail, I turn to him. “I was defending a criminal client on a drug charge,” she tells Reader’s Digest, “and I smelled pot in the courtroom.” Weirded out, she kept looking around trying to determine where it was coming from. My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. For example, she once received a Christmas card with a puppy dog…from a Bloods gang member. Alex Ozols, founder of Personal Injury Lawyers San Diego, fervently hopes that this anecdote did not prove to be career-“ending” for the intern it involved. I am working as a court clerk in civil cases. . In 1999, Daniel Dukes tragically died while trying to achieve his lifelong … It is a sad fact of our justice system that most of our modern courts have been … One day, I am assisting in a settlement conference, and the judge and I are sitting at opposite ends of a long table, with the parties down either side. A young man named George had surgery to correct an ugly scar on his hand. The first section is captioned, “Hurling Chunks.” The last: “A Schwing and a Miss.” In between, Judge Paine calls the defendant’s case “bogus” and “not worthy” and ultimately denies the defendant’s motion with a curt, “Party on.”. “So why not park legally this time?” the judge asked. This particular defendant is pleading “not guilty” on the basis of his own law code. I decide to make her the most common document mostly used for insurance cases and she seems happy with it, so I think that’s that. She also had to pay her parking ticket…obviously. Scott Trout, a leading divorce attorney with Cordell and Cordell, had a client who claimed he wasn’t making enough money to afford to pay spousal support. This one time, an elderly woman raised her hand and volunteered she’d worked there as a secretary, albeit decades ago.”. He declared a mistrial, held both the defendant and juror in contempt, and explained that now there would have to be a new trial with a new jury. According to the thermal strip, the liquid is close to 106 degrees F. As an EMT, I know that this would usually be a fatal body temperature, or at the absolute easiest, the person would be so feverish that they would not be able to hold their legs beneath them to stand. My mother is a prosecutor working for the UK Crime & Prosecution service. 1 The US judge who jailed a man for yawning in court. Family law attorney, Russell Knight, still chuckles over this story of a woman who wanted help in proving who was the father of her child. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. “Do you know any of his relatives,” Knight asked her. He knew that such kits usually come back under temp, so he had it suspended in a half cup of coffee until he finally took it out and strapped it to his leg before entering the courtroom. One of the other jurors had been shopping in town that evening, saw the defendant, and in spite of being told not to discuss the case, decided to discuss the case with him, in full view of everyone in the shop! Susan Boyle. Funny Court Transcripts. The judge recalls to me later that suddenly my face changes and contorts, and I busy myself in a piece of paper, looking horrified. The taxi driver will have a fun story to tell his family after his shift! Now Trending. Bye!” I even make a point to wave goodbye and just go sit at my computer and begin working on something else. The only problem was when Judge Caprio asked him how one does the Heimlich maneuver, the man had not a clue. Me: “You know, I’ve known about you and your exploits for like five years or so now, but I have one major question.”, Me: “Have you ever given any serious thought to doing something positive with your life?”, Me: “Dude, you’ve been doing it for over five years. In front of the windows. Because he wanted to know exactly when he would die and how… as if the expert were a psychic and not an actuary. I even offered to put in a word for a local racing team, whose owner I knew. Not only was the sign clear on that, but the woman said she typically parked legally in an adjacent spot. So far so good… until his lawyer showed up. ! What should have been a no-brainer, unfortunately, was a bit more complicated. For example, one time a guy came in for a hearing on a parking ticket. Court's Disorder. The problem, however, wasn’t that she couldn’t locate the father. Funny Story About Divorce ~ The Best Divorce She spent the first day sadly packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. The temperature of the fluid is not body temperature, at least not a normal one. Next, find out the strangest law in every state. For example, a man charged with speeding actually told Judge Caprio that he didn’t realize he was speeding because he was wearing a stiff, new pair of shoes and couldn’t feel how hard he was pressing on the gas. Back to the Index of Best Funny Short Stories. The lawyer hands it to my mother, who gives it a look. Here are some smart tips for fighting parking tickets. T’was a mugging of poor Uncle Sam. In a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman he had known since childhood, to … About any other response than her pointing at the letter for weed interesting, as he stood before judge asked... Served jury Duty, I know your boss, and I laughed out 3. Pay compensation gang member comes in % of the trial, he comes in, clerk reporter! Me in the afternoon is that he would have made one h * * of a one-night.! A break and when the lawyers have cleared, he falls into the same routine: court in morning... Jerry Bartle was Arrested and put on trial for robbing a local racing team whose... We have in this county, you still drive ’ em like you ’ re talking about kid... Husband of the trial, he falls into the same routine: court in the South covers life style! Orderly during the exchange unexpectedly Funny ” I even make a point to goodbye. 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